Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Lack of Faithamins

I came across someone's blog today, he was a pastor that talked about God like being a Christian was cool. 
Then I encountered the question "Do you love me more than these?"

The memory of trying to be a good Christian and failing
The pierce of the question that I can't quickly say "Yes" to made me want to throw up.

The idea that I couldn't even finish a book that discounts the existence of a Higher Power reminded me
That I need more faithamins.

I am taking my brother's USANA Essentials
But I am not able to feed my faith, not for a very long time.

How do you know if you need more faithamins?
Let me count the ways.

Do you walk past a church and make the sign of the cross just because it's out of habit?
Do you pray before you sleep and utter a wish in the morning but not say the word God unless you are cursing?
Do you spend more time asking Him "Why?" than saying "What's next?" or "Thanks!"
Do you feel like something is off even if you are in a good place in your life, at least on paper?
Do you feel like you are surrounded by people who are sucking the life out of you, the happiness out of you till all that is left is the husk of your old self?

If you are, we should go get some more faithamins. 
I believe things would get healthier from there.

No amount of gym work-outs would make you feel leaner
No amount of yoga would make you less meaner

Than knowing that your heart is free of hate and malice.
And that it's ready to forgive you *yes you* who might have take the shortcut that lead to a dreary road full of dark corners, myths and delusion.

Take a faithamin pill, swallow it whole.
It tastes a bit bitter in the beginning, but soon it would be sweeter.

I am a non-practicing Catholic. People think that I am faithless at times. I do things out of habit. But I have long decided that being a believer is much like me being straight. I might think that I want to go to the other side, but this is who I really am. I can't do anything about that besides embracing it and making the experience worth my while.

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